Now, I am possibly the most optimistic of people you will ever meet; when I am about to get sacked from a job, I look forward to the next opportunity; when I am broke I think of all the lovely things my friends will buy me and when I get dumped I smile at the thought of an upgrade! Basically, for some reason I tend to have an almost inane ability to see the silver lining! Unfortunately, I think my power of positive thinking has run its course and my beloved Newcastle United are to blame!

Tough times at St James' Park have become somewhat of a ritual since Sir Bobby was sacked acrimoniously by Freddy Shepherd in August of 2004. Since then we have seen 5 different managers, three caretaker managers, an average league finish of 10.2, Dennis Wise brought in as Executive Director, blown 18 million on Michael 'I really don't want to be here' Owen, sold the club to a fabulous 'role model and been humiliated by Hull City at home! What is surprising is that it took so long for a Newcastle United manager to suffer a heart condition; I do not even want to research the heart conditions of the Geordie faithful.

We have flirted with relegation since I started following the Magpies in 1993 almost as much as we have flirted with the Premiership trophy, so you may ask why the sudden despondency? We have been here before, chatted up the 'five pinters' only to have gone back to the security of the 'two pinters' or shall I say mid-table mediocrity. This time it really is different, I fear. In the last 13 league games we have won 2, scored 14 goals, conceded 25 and picked up a grand total of 10 out of an available 39 points. Shay Given has been sold, Michael Owen is gleefully looking to the end of the season when he can move to Manchester City for an obscene salary, Mike Ashley is about to sell the club for a cow or possibly a couple of barrels of oil (anything more would be a bonus), our manager has a broken heart (as do thousands of Geordies) and to top it all we are not even being made fun of anymore in the media. At least the chants of 'Kevin Keegan's comedy crew' made us feel wanted in the papers; now we are looked upon as Derby were last year; down and all but out!

In the remaining eight fixtures, amongst others we play Chelsea, Liverpool, Aston Villa and Tottenham. That leaves home games against Middlesborough, Portsmouth and Fulham as critical. Anything but nine points from these fixtures will seal our fate and even these nine points might not be enough. Goals are still coming but we seem completely unable to stop them being scored against us. How do world class, 10 million pound defenders end up looking like Titus Bramble on a bad day, as soon as they sign for Newcastle, is beyond my comprehension? After having left Newcastle with their reputation in tatters, Boumsong is starring for Lyon, Rozenhal has been a rock for Lazio and even the 'mighty' Titus Bramble is looking solid with an England call up being discussed. I can just see Coloccini being voted player of the tournament in next year's World Cup, having been signed by Real Madrid in the months preceding the big kick off.

Ups and downs are fact of life; everyone goes through it. My biggest concern is that if Newcastle do go down, coming back up with be a herculean task. What's more, they do not show Championship games on US television. I just hope that I am not rooting for the New York Giants, next 'FOOTBALL' season!

Maybe this is a bad dream; I will wake up and that gorgeous brunette will still be there, I will have a nice corner office, my hair will have stopped thinning, my bank account will be bulging with a few thousand dollars and Newcastle will be sitting safe in 15th place??!

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